I’m not a bad mom! I’m not a bad mom!

I’ve been chanting this to myself ever since I made the phone call. To me it was a phone call to say “I need help” Just this is something I never thought I would need help with. I mean I raise good kids, they are well behaved sure their dirty clothes might not make it into the hamper but they are sweet girls. So to say I need help when it comes to raising my kids makes me feel like a failure.

Let me back up a bit…….

On Sunday we took the girls to see “pickle” me 2…you know the one with with minions? Well lunch before hand was miserable. Veronica was crying and shaking uncontrollably. Everything was making her upset, and I mean EVERYTHING! It was Danielle reaching across the table, it was mom and dad talking about what time the movie started, it was realizing what time of day it was and Jillian was going to miss her nap, it was they don’t have steak on the menu, it was ordering lunch in the wrong order, it was even how Danielle reached for the sweet and low. We managed to make it through but it was rough, we did however all get to enjoy the movie and the whole way home she was laughing about it and repeating her favorite quotes.

Fast forward to Wednesday when we took her to the doctor….2 more panic attacks first about it being a bad day to go the doctor then one at lunch about having to sit and eat. Wednesday night while on the medicine from the doctor I had to lay in the bed with her until 11:00 p.m. because once again she was shaking and crying, she was so afraid that because of the sinus infection and her hard time breathing that she was going to die. She had convinced herself that she would stop breathing in her sleep and just not wake up. I held her and talked to her and told her stories until she finally fell asleep. Thursday morning she woke up happy.

There were more panic attacks today and I can’t even really tell you what they were about, she was crying, shaking, pacing the floor and almost hyperventilating. We can see the sheer terror in her eyes, and nothing we can do will calm her down.

So I made a phone call. I reached out for help and I hope they can help my Veronica and help me be a better mom to her. One monday my daughter will go see a child psychiatrist. I’m not sure what will happen from here. I don’t want her to have to take medicine for the rest of her life, but I need her to learn how to cope with all this. I’m not even sure how I’m going to pay for all this, but it’s what my child needs. I will keep you guys posted. She knows she’s going to the doctor and she knows what for, before I made the appointment she came up to me and asked if it could be as soon as possible. She seemed kinda defeated about it, but she wanted to make sure she had a few sessions in before school started.

All smiles with little sister!
All smiles with little sister!

2 thoughts on “I’m not a bad mom! I’m not a bad mom!

  1. Dear Sarah
    You are not a bad mom. Good moms call for help. She might need medication same as my boys needed medication with their asthma and allergies. They need medication sometimes… They need to live their life to the fullest and they deserve to be happy. If she broke her leg you would not hesitate to give her pain reliever and put the leg in a cast… Maybe she will not need medication maybe she will only need the crutches to walk, the therapy to help her live her life to the fullest!
    Don’t forget to take care of yourself in all of this and keep us posted…
    (((Hugs)))

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