It’s 4:00 a.m.

I haven’t been up this early since I had a baby crying to be fed and even with an 18 month old that was almost a year ago. Let me be honest with you interwebz, (because let’s face it it’s easier to be honest when I don’t think you are real 🙂 ) I’m lost! Last night as I was going to bed at 8:00 (probably why I’m up so early) I told the hubster I was scared. I was scared that right now at 34 I’m all I’ll ever be. A mom, a wife, a 5th grade science teacher…my life is on pause for the next 30 years until I’m old enough to retire. Now I love my job, I have more fun at work every day then the average person and the kids….oh the students are a hoot, but I want more.

I have been feeling lost and scared for probably all of 2013 if I’m honest. I have a lot of things that need to be worked out. One that effects you is this blog. I’m down to only 14% storgage and then there will be no more blog. So do I keep it up? Do I buy a website so I can get rid of that crazy long URL that no one really knows what it means? I have an idea for a theme and how to make it look, but I don’t know how to do that. I would have to pay someone and from a quick evening of google searching that’s not something that’s in the budget.

Anyway, back to the whole reason I started talking to you at 4:00 a.m. instead of sleeping. I’m not done. I’m not on pause…everything in my life is going good,but one part and in order to grow in order to not be stale I need to work on that one part. You see what happens when you don’t sleep….stuff starts to make sense.

So I opened my laptop hoping pinterest would bore me back to sleep and I was confronted with the tabs I had opened before I closed my laptop last.

This blog was open : In Pursuit of Happiness What’s funny is that I had opened all recipes blogs to get some ideas for Pi Day today. But right there when I needed it was a blog about finding happiness. Now I have to stop real fast and say I’m NOT unhappy…I’m just not living. I’m just being and I’m tired of being. I have quickly (trying not to wake up too much) read through some of her stuff.

I’m sooooo stealing these Happiness Highlights She also talks about finding yourself and loving yourself. BAM! That’s the wake up call I needed! Though really God at 4:00 a.m.? I have plans for today and I can’t be cranky for them!

She has inspring words on how to change the big things one step at a time. This is something I struggle with all the time. I see things that need changing both within myself and at home and I’m just so overwhelmed. I feel like it’s big of something to change. But there it is, right in front of my face. An instruction manual on how to do all the things I’m struggling with. Now of course I will find my own way that works for me, but to have a start a push in the right direction.

So in the middle of learning my new bestie (who doesn’t even know I exist) I found this message….the one I needed most. The one I guess I woke up for at 4:00 a.m.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” – Matthew 6:25-27, NIV“

Now I’m going to try and get some sleep. It is Pi Day after all and there are pies that need to be made, maybe not eaten…but made at least 🙂

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