Will the Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up?

Let’s talk about something that has been running around in my mind for awhile. When at school/work I am happy. I don’t complain. I feel there are enough complainers in the world, so I’m more of a “deal with the hand your dealt” kind of person. I’m friendly and happy and I smile at everyone. I’ll be honest there are some days I want to be grumpy. There are some days I want to be mad. I just feel why waste the day with those feelings? I come into contact with at least 100 different people every day while I’m at work, so why would I want to spread the grumpies to those people?

Typically when I’m having one of those grumpy days I tell my team teachers, then we all laugh and say “oh it’s a one dwarf morning, it’s two for me sleepy and grumpy”. Of course one of us has to throw in a dopey joke or something and we all walk away smiling and laughing. That my interwebz friends is typically the end of my grumpy day. Of course by the end of the day I’m tired and I don’t want to hear my name again for the rest of my life, but I happily go home and plan to do it all over again the next day.

So why am I bringing this all up? Why am I talking about how I’m always happy? Well because I don’t feel I am. Today while walking down the hallways one of the other teachers commented about how I’m always smiling and how he just loves that about me. I make a little joke about how sometimes I have to talk myself into putting it on in the mornings and he goes on to say that he doesn’t believe that. He says that what’s on the inside is just shining through. Talk about a great way to make a pregnant woman cry!!

Then a few days ago another person I work with asked hubster if I was always so happy. She said it just makes her day to see me in the hallways. He tells her that around other people I am. He says that I don’t like to see people upset, and I want everyone around me to be happy. He says that at home I tend to let me guard down more and I allow myself to be grumpy if I need to be.

So there is the question interwebz. Sometimes I do force the smile at work, but I do it for the better of everyone around me. After about an hour of forcing it, I just get use to it and it becomes natural. However at home I don’t even try. If I’m grumpy I let my family know and they leave me alone. If I’m happy well then we are all happy. So which one is the fake? Am I even faking it, or are they both me? Why can’t I try and be happy for my family like I do for my co-workers? I know my daughters would benefit greatly if they had a mom who was happy and smiling all the time.

Maybe I need to work harder at being happy at the time at home, but then I would feel like I was cheating my family out of the real me.

When I asked hubster about this at dinner, about which one was the real me. He said that he felt the me at school was the real me. He said that he’s the reason I’m not “giddy” all the time at home because usually he is. He takes over the roll for me at home. He let’s my emotions relax, so to speak.

Just something to think about interwebz. I’m sure we aren’t all the same people in every single situation. Sometimes who we are around, affects our moods and our attitudes, but then which one is the real us?

Ok so maybe I’m not done with the whole song titles as blog titles. It’s actually kinda fun and makes me be creative. 🙂


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